


Do Not Sleep

by SmokyCinnamonRoll



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, NaNoWriMo, NaNoWriMo 2018, Original Characters Everywhere, Suicide, Tagging as I go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-09-06 00:52:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 11,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16821856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmokyCinnamonRoll/pseuds/SmokyCinnamonRoll
Summary: Silvester is running.Or at least, he thinks he is. Does it count as running if you're actively seeking out what you're running from? And, he wasn't really running beforehand, either. So it probably doesn't count.Silvester changes more to how he shouldact in this regeneration fairly early on, I was just working off of the other things I'd done for his next regeneration. probably not the greates strategy, but he needed backstory.





	1. enter: his heart

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't sure ifthis counted as dcotor who or an original work, so im leaving it at just doctor who for now.

“Um, alright kid. You wanna be weird that’s your choice.” He smiled a little awkwardly, and turned around to leave.

“But aren’t you the one some call the dreamer?”

He stopped in his tracks. It was true, sure. But hardly anyone knew of his proper title. How could somebody he’d never even met before know?

Then he remembered he did have a time machine, and quite a lot of other people had tardises as well. So perhaps that was why. 

Still, it was just him. Just Silvester, not quite better known as the dreamer. He wouldn’t really say he was important. Much less actively making himself known. Much less about to stay here and get creeped out by a total stranger. He preferred to get creeped out by close friends.

“You must not sleep,” the woman implored him. “You cannot dream anymore.”

“Um... alright. Whatever you say.” 

“It is vital that you don’t think of what could be and has never been. Do not dream.”

“Kid? I’m just gonna head back home now. Go be creepy at someone else.”

He hurried out the door, hoping to get as far away from the woman as possible. He realized, somewhere along the way, that he’d been calling her ‘kid.’ And... she hadn’t said anything about it. Normally people told him when he was being weird. Which was most of the time.

•••

Back in his tardis, all the activity he’d done was starting to actually catch up with him. But, as the woman’s warning of ‘do not sleep’ was still very much at the front of his mind, he was trying to do exactly that. It just wasn’t working very well. And he was feeling slightly hungry, so maybe if he got some food he’d be more awake? That seemed to be how things worked.

“Got any leftovers?” He asked quietly, and was met with some annoyed sparks. “Oh.” Silvester hadn’t made anything in the first place. He didn’t think it was too much of a problem – he’d just go without food for a day or two more – but the tardis certainly didn’t agree; as evidenced by another shower of sparks. 

“I, uh...” he fidgeted, not wanting to finish his statement. “Don’t think we have any food left. might have eaten it all a while ago.” An exasperated sigh echoed in his mind. “I was going to get more! I just... forgot. And never thought about it again. Somehow.”

When no more sparks started attacking him, he took it as a sign that the conversation was over, for the moment. Which, all things considered, was probably a good idea. The tardis pestering him coupled with having his coat off for a more extended period of time hadn’t ended well in the past. So, logically, the next room he should go to was his room.

Logically. Also probably the smartest decision. So, of course he didn’t go there straight away. Instead, he picked up a book he’d been in the middle of, and started reading it. The book wasn’t too terribly interesting, but he did think he might’ve borrowed it from a library at some point. He could only hope he could get back to said library only a day after he’d intially checked it out, to avoid any overdue fees he most certainly had by now. Or... he could just never return it. That was also a way of avoiding overdue fees.

But Silvester didn’t notice the tardis trying to get his attention. He didn’t even hear the very urgent beeping noise it was making.

The book wasn’t too terribly interesting.


	2. Unlikely to reoccur

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plot devices that may or may not work? I have no idea what you're talking about.

Silvester put down the book a mere two pages away from the end, and finally looked up. The tardis was, well, a mess.

“Is, uh, is anyone there?” He called out, hoping nobody would answer. After about half a minute, he decided that nobody was answering. That either meant nobody was there, or somebody actually was there, and not by accident either. He liked to think it was the former, rather than the latter. Perhaps the tardis had decided to try a more roundabout way of telling him she was currently upset with him? He thought the sparks would have gotten the point across perfectly fine, but the tardis didn’t seem to think so.

But it was quiet. The tardis wasn’t making any noise. Nothing moved. This was the point when Silvester started to realize something was probably actually wrong.

“Hello...?” He called again, but there was still no answer. Maybe it was nothing, just some malfunction. But, then again, maybe not. That thought, though, was just too unsettling to dwell on for the moment. And, still, he hadn’t heard the cloister bells. So it wasn’t anything truly life threatening. Or at least, he hoped it wasn’t. There was the possibility he just hadn’t heard the bells. But he was still alright, wasn’t he? So whatever had happened, he was now certain it couldn’t be too much of an issue.

“So you are awake still.”

The voice was raspy, rather like a whisper, while still being loud, and was most definitely not his own. “Well, you could’ve answered sooner. And, uh, not have made a mess. There are better ways to get my attention, you know. Like, uh, sending me a message. You can do that, you know,” said Silvester. It was rather unnerving to not be able to see whoever it was, while now being acutely aware that he was being observed. 

And he still hadn’t gotten his coat back from his room.

“This is your last warning.” The disembodied voice said. Though, he didn’t know what it was referring to.

“For, uh, for what?”

“You shall not dream.”

He blinked. That was it? His tardis was ruined... for that? A warning? Albeit, a rather creepy one, but the point still stood. But he did have to admit, something strange was happening, and somebody was trying to... to what, prevent him from going to sleep? It was an interesting choice of words, however. He normally just had nightmares. Normal dreams, however odd the content may be, were few and far in between.

He hated to say it, but he may just have to go on an adventure to get to the bottom of this mystery.

Or just adventure to his room, and stay there for the rest of eternity. That sounded like a slightly better idea.

•••

Once Silvester got to his room, his opinion of what sounded better changed slightly. The main reason for that being, his room was a mess as well. Only, this mess was one that had just... appeared one day and then he never cleaned it up again. It was quite the compelling argument for going on an adventure and ignoring the mess.

But if he cleaned it up he might find his coat, which he just remembered had been eaten by whatever lived in the piles of stuff. That, too, was a compelling argument. Or he could first clean his room and then go on an adventure, but that sounded suspiciously too productive.

So he flopped down onto his bed, and stared at the ceiling. According to at least two people now, he couldn’t go to sleep, and due to the fact that he’d lost his coat, the one other thing that had occurred to him to do was technically impossible.

Unless, of course, he tried hard enough. But the tardis probably wouldn’t let him go quite that far, though she didn’t bother him otherwise.

In the end, he decided upon cleaning, however boring that may be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Silvester would rather stay in his room all day than go on an adventure? it's more likely than you think!  
> my opinions on cleaning are probably very clear.


	3. Do I dare

His phone was ringing. Never mind the fact that he had just actually cleaned all of his room, his phone was ringing. Nobody ever called him. And yet, he had to pick up.

“Yes, hello?”

The line was silent for a moment.

“Silvester.... please come home, we miss you...”

It was one of his parents. He didn’t recognize the voice on a surface level, but deep down as soon as he heard the voice he knew. Whichever one it was, they must have regenerated since he’d left.

“.... I, I, um, I don’t think, I, uh, I can’t.”

“Silvester. You are being unreasonable.”

“Hey, who, uh, when did you, who even told, um, told you my name? I haven’t, I, I, haven’t even, haven’t talked to, spoken with, with you, seen you in.... uh, in well, forever.”

“That much is obvious.”

Their tone had shifted and become more clipped as soon as he’d refused. They no longer sounded like a loving parent who just wanted their child back home for a day or two. Had this new regeneration been thinking about him as they died? Had they decided they hated him? He’d already thought that both of them did quite a long while back, but why call now?

“I, uh, I do, have a, a new, have a new, new title,” he stuttered out nervously, words skittering across the newly cleaned floor. Silvester wondered what they looked like now. He barely remembered what either of them had looked like when he’d left; it had simply been too long ago. A few hundred years, if he remembered correctly. 

“No longer the scientist? Shame. I always thought that was rather a... fitting title.”

“I, uh, no. Not, uh, not technically. It’s, uh, I’m, sort of, not really, uh, well known, um, as any, all of my, my names, but the, the dreamer is, is my newest.”

“Ah. That... that will be fine, for the moment.”

“Oh!” He brightened. “Do, do you, uh, do you like it, then?”

“It is acceptable. I assume you’ve been keeping out of trouble?”

He paused a moment before answering, thinking about what that might mean. Had he been avoiding conflict? Certainly. Had he been making more of an effort to give up his other... habits? Almost certainly not. He did have to give the tardis some credit, however, as she did her best to distract him. Most days, though, her best just wasn’t enough.

“Uh, well...” he picked up his coat from his bed, which was where he’d put it while cleaning. “You don’t sound different, therefore you have not regenerated, recently or not,” they clarified. “Oh.” He finished putting his coat on, and then sat down on the bed. “Oh, you just meant... okay, then, uh, yeah, I have, I’m not getting, uh, into, in trouble.”

“Your father did wish to enquire about your mental health, though.”

“That’s... I, I, uh, can’t, don’t think, I wouldn’t say it’s, it’s been getting, uh, better.”

“Silvester. We talked about this.”

“I....” he sighed. “I know.”

“Come home soon. Do not delay, Silvester.”

The line went dead. He took a deep breath, desperately trying to ignore how cold they'd been while saying his name the last time. He'd been beginning to think that they just had some difficulties with words this regeneration, but no. No, of course not. It was a deliberate way to get him to come home and actually talk about what was going on, why he'd left. 

How well he was holding up.

And he knew perfectly well they'd know if he didn't set the course back to gallifrey soon, but he was certainly in no rush. Even if they wanted him to be.

“Do you know where that disembodied voice came from? Can you try to set a course?”

He leaned back against the wall, smiling a little.

“No reason to go home soon, eh old girl?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, here we go! his stutter is picking up!  
> for it being important to getting around places, the tardis, well...  
> we'll just say spoilers for now, and leave it at that.  
> Silvester II is a bunch of fun to write for, partially because he knows his name, and partially because I get to explore all sorts of possibilities that come with him being a timelord! in short, it's just fun. All writing is fun.  
> And I'm not neglecting Nidus, don't worry! I'm working on his ghost again, which means you'll probably get more fics as soon as I can finish up the last chapter.


	4. Out of sight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> meant to post it on Thursday, but I forgot.

“Silvester!”

He skidded to a halt just before the edge, and turned towards the source of the scream.

“Please, don't do it,” begged the woman. He stared back at her.

“Why not?”

“Because...” she seemed at a loss for words. “Because I love you!”

“Um.”

He only half recognized her, but he did know he'd literally just met her that morning, had an awkward conversation, and then the rest of his day had gone downhill from there. “You, uh, you literally just, we only, only met this, uh, this morning, kid.” She frowned at him.

“I'm not a child.”

“Uh, sorry, I, uh, force of, of habit.”

His eyes slid away from her face and to the fire raging around them. “But, uh, yeah, we, we only met, this, uh, this morning.”

“Okay, I... don’t actually love you that much yet.”

“I, uh, thought you might, thought you didn’t.”

“But you do seem like a pretty cool guy,” she said, giving him a slight smile. “And I would want to get to know you better.”

“No, I... I, I don’t, really, uh, don’t want...” he almost unconsciously took a small step back. He’d only really come here to try and find the source of that raspy voice that had issued him a warning, but his day had really taken quite a bad turn. And that was what had led him to the edge of a cliff, trying to escape a fire; and half trying to... well. He didn’t want to actually think about that.

Besides, he was only on his second regeneration. It wouldn’t hurt too much, would it?

“Don’t you dare take another step backwards.”

“Listen, kid, I really, uh, really don’t, don’t think it would, don’t think falling would really, uh, really change that, change much of, uh, anything.”

It wouldn’t, not really. He’d just regenerate and... and then what? Go home? Continue trying to go on an adventure? He actually had to admit, he really didn’t have a clue what would happen.

Instead of staying where she was, the woman walked up to him, and stared him in the eye. “You’re staying around for a while yet, and I will make sure of that.”

... well. He couldn’t exactly say no while being intimidated by someone he didn’t know. “Oh, uh, what’s, what’s your name again? I, sorry, I, uh, sort of, sort of forgot,” he said. She sighed while shaking her head, smiling slightly for some reason.

“Alright. Let’s do this introduction thing again, then. I’m Karen, and for the sake of formality, you are?”

“Uh, Silvester. So you, you have, you thought, have some great, a, a plan to, uh, stop me?”

Karen seemed confused, and took a moment to reply. “I... thought you had already decided not to,” she said. It sounded more like a question then anything else. He, in all honesty, hadn’t quite made up his mind yet. It was technically burning up a regeneration for no reason, something that his parents would most definitely frown upon, but at the same time a new personality didn’t sound bad. Maybe he’d stop being so nervous about everything. He might even be able to say what he meant to on the first try, without revising it a few million times while trying to say it.

But here was his reason not to, staring him down on the very edge of a decision. He had no intention of making Karen feel responsible for his death, however temporary it may be. Because, even if he had no intention of having a relationship with anybody, at any time, she seemed determined to at least be his friend. It didn’t sound like a bad idea in theory, and he’d never find out if he jumped, would he?

And then she grabbed his wrists and pulled him away from the edge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now things start happening!  
> Uh, and there’s a fire? Not sure how that happened.


	5. Keep your secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all I can think of whenever I see the chapter title is this:  
> Frodo: all right then, keep your secrets

By the time everything was sorted out and the fire was put out, the suns were rising. It was sort of pretty, but Silvester wasn’t focusing on that. He was too busy trying not to cry.

Both Karen and him were wrapped up in blankets, as after the fire was gone it was actually starting to get quite cold, and apparently it was just normal for the fire fighters on this planet.

“So... wanna go out to eat or something?”

Silvester squeaked in surprise, turning to look at her.

“I- uh, well, I, I, wasn’t really, um, wasn’t planning, didn’t think, didn’t plan on, uh, staying, staying longer?” God, he was a mess. The impending breakdown was quite the reminder of that. Biting his tongue to try and keep his face expressionless, he waited for Karen to say something in reply.

And all the while he was thinking about when she’d grabbed his wrists, not his hands, because of course not, his wrists. Add that to everything else that he’d dealt with in the past few days, and sure, a breakdown was perfectly understandable.

That didn’t mean he had to accept it, let it happen. “Oh... well, it’s your choice if you want to stay I suppose,” said Karen, pulling him out of his thoughts momentarily. “But if you leave, is there a chance I’ll meet you again?” Silvester considered his options. He could say no and leave, just like that, but Karen was keeping him grounded for the moment. He could straight up say yes, make it a point to come back and visit every once in a while, but he had another family, other friends he had promised to come back to. Or he could just say maybe, dodge the question.

There was also the option of actually going, and getting some kind of food with her. Admittedly, the idea didn’t sound too bad in theory, but he knew for a fact he hadn’t eaten anything in a while. She might notice if he didn’t actually eat anything. Might ask questions.

And he got nervous enough around his first family, how could he possibly be convincing around an almost total stranger?

This got him thinking about his family again, but not the one that knew about his issues. The one that didn’t pry too much into where he’d come from. The one that didn’t care about why he had all his scars, the one that probably didn’t hate his guts. But he hadn’t been home in a while, and even with a time machine, he wasn’t sure he could be home close to when he’d left. He barely even knew when that was anymore.

That was the family that had given him his name. Not a title, as much as he wanted to be known as just that, just a title. A name, his name, that had been given to him by people who cared about him. People he wished he could spend more time with. But no, no. He was too restless, and frequently went away. If he seemed to age faster than he should have been, they never said a word, always welcoming him back home with open arms. And, truth be told, that was all he really wanted.

“Uh... Silvester? You good over there?”

He blinked. Had he spaced out again? That always seemed to happen at inopportune moments. “Yeah, I, uh, yeah, I’m, I’m fine,” he mumbled. She leaned forwards, then took a moment to shove her hair out of her face. “You sure...? Looked kinda worried about something for a moment there.”

“Oh, um, did I? Sorry, I, I, I was just, uh, just, just thinking about, uh, I was uh, remembering, remembering something that, uh, just, just thinking about, uh, about something,” he said, stumbling through the words as if he was trying to walk while someone dragged him along. In short, he was most certainly not getting his point across very fast. Or effectively. “You, uh, mentioned, said about, uh, mentioned going, mentioned getting food? Um, multiple, uh, a, a few times.” The only thing that would help him now was directing the conversation elsewhere. He didn’t want to talk about his adopted family.

Silvester didn’t want to tell someone he barely knew that he felt like he was letting them down, worrying them by not going back.

“Yeah, I did! I don’t think you’ve been here before, so I’ll pick where we’re going alright?”

“Yeah, uh, that, that sounds, that seems like, um, sounds good.”

And he still hadn’t cried. It was honestly surprising. Even then, though, he couldn’t help feeling as if that would come back to haunt him later, and probably not at a good time, either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, he has a family, yes this may or may not be really important later


	6. meeting unfortunately

Karen noticing if he didn’t eat turned out to be one of the least worrying thoughts on his mind. Instead, he kept thinking about why he’d been on this planet in the first place. The warning he’d been issued. What exactly it meant. And, that also raised up another issue: he hadn’t gotten sleep in... a while. Two days at the least, and now that he was thinking about it, the fatigue hit him hard.

Karen might have been trying to engage him in conversation. He didn’t know, he couldn’t focus on that, not sobbing seemingly randomly, trying to not fall asleep, and thinking about the dude with the raspy voice all at the same time:

“Uh, I, sorry, sorry what were, um, what were you just, you just saying?”

“Huh?” She blinked at him confusedly for a moment before remembering what she’d been saying. “Oh! Just asking if you had any siblings. So? Do you?”

“I...” He didn’t back on Gallifrey, but... he had some back where he thought of as his real home. None of them were technically older than him, but he’d never mentioned that. So, going by the age they all thought he looked, he was deemed one of the middle children. Actually, going by that determiner he was the youngest if you didn’t count the actual youngest, which was a bit strange to think about. But they were family, on the same level as his parents on Gallifrey. Only more caring.

“Yeah, uh, I do, do have some, a, a few siblings.”

That he hadn’t seen in forever. That he wanted to go home to in this mess he was starting to get tangled up in.

“That’s cool! I’m an only child, so, I’ve always been sort of... jealous of people who aren’t, you know? So, what are they like?”

“Well, uh, there’s, there’s Kristin, she’s, she’s the oldest, uh, she’s.... she’s nice, but, uh, but she, but she moved, she was already, she had been, uh, gone when, she already moved, moved out by, uh, by the time, um, well... that’s, uh, not too, not, not very important.” 

He remembered she liked baking, always had something for him when she visited. Always worried too much about him after she’d caught him crying in the bathroom. But he was okay with that, for some reason. He never minded when it was Kristin fussing over him, giving him an extra cookie sometimes when he was feeling worse than usual. She never asked too much of him, never pried into his past as some of his friends tried to do.

“Did you not see her much then?” Karen asked, and she almost seemed a bit sad as she said the question, but he didn’t know why. “Oh, no, no, no she um, she visited as, visited when, uh, as, as often as she, often as she could,” he replied, pointedly ignoring the fact that Karen was already done with her meal and he hadn’t even touched his.

“And, uh, and then there’s, there’s Stefan, he’s, he was, uh, looking, he was, um, looking to, he, he was hoping, hoping to, uh, move, move out last, uh, last time I, I was there.”

“What’s he like?”

“Stefan’s, uh, he’s, he’s calm I, I guess you’d, guess you’d say? He, he, uh, he always, he always tended, he was always, the, the one to, he always broke, uh, broke up fights. It... didn’t, didn’t always, uh, never really, didn’t always go, didn’t go over so, so well sometimes.”

Of course he remembered the broken arm, Stefan’s face covered in blood, and still, still he remained calm. Called Silvester over, asked him to go tell their mother, or Kristin if she was over. How by the time he got back, their mother in tow, Stefan was on the ground. He never knew who did it, what the fight was even about. He honestly just wanted revenge for a while afterwards, until one night both of them were awake, though each had different reasons. Silvester had been getting restless again, but was resorting to the only other way he knew to get rid of that feeling, and Stefan had actually had a nightmare.

Stefan told him it wouldn’t do to hold a grudge. The damage was done, there was nothing else to be done. It was the only time he hadn’t actually seemed calm. It was the only time he’d tried to tell someone what he was doing, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Stefan has simply given him a hug, told him that things would get better eventually.

“Was he ever hurt?!” Karen burst out suddenly, and Silvester noted that she actually seemed worried. Why? She hadn’t ever met him, so why be concerned? He didn’t understand.

“I, well, yeah, a, a few times but, but it, uh, was never, uh, wasn’t, was never anything serious, really,” he said, the lie feeling especially weak when coupled with his stutter. And yet, she believed him, judging by the way she relaxed when he was done speaking.

“Also, uh, also, older, uh, older than me, than, uh, older than me, is, uh Claudia. She, um, actually started some, started a few, started some of the, the fights, that, uh, Stefan got, Stefan, uh, stopped.”

Claudia was the one who’d found him standing barefoot in the snow, the only weather appropriate thing he’d been wearing was his coat. She’d poked fun at him for it at first, but when all he did was look at her rather dazedly, she told him that was when she’d picked him up and dragged him back home. He only vaguely remembered the incident, but what she’d told him was true. Claudia might have been a bit of a hothead, but she certainly wasn’t a liar, and she was nice sometimes.

Other times she was just, well, Claudia. He couldn’t really describe it any other way. She wasn’t downright mean, but she wasn’t about to apologize for setting up an elaborate trap and then leaving someone stuck in said trap for a few hours.

“Then, uh, there’s me, and, uh, also Nadia. She’s, uh, she’s the youngest, uh, and the, the most like, most similar, uh, similar to, uh, the most, most like mom.”

Silvester couldn’t remember much about Nadia, but she did worry about him. He was fairly certain all of them did.

She’d been there the day he stayed in bed until it was quite late in the evening. She’d been there the day the only thing he’d eaten had been a cookie from Kristin, and everybody else kept pestering him about it. Nadia only said he should be making an effort to be better. Only gave him a quiet smile when he showed up at dinner, not having much but getting out of his room for it anyways.

He thought it might have been winter when that happened, and soon after he’d left again. He remembered walking out in the snow barefoot again, wondering how his other parents were doing. If they missed him at all. If he should go back.

So he left, and eventually found his way back to Gallifrey. It wasn’t very long before he left again, but Silvester kept thinking there was something he’d been forgetting about that visit.

“That’s a lot of children to have,” Karen mused, staring off into the distance. “So how old are you, anyways?” She asked, and he stared blankly at her. His age? He’d forgotten the real number, but if he went back to his real home, they’d say he was 24. They wouldn’t mention how much older he looked. They never did. “Uh, well... I, I think, I think I’m somewhere, I’m about, uh, 794? I, uh, lost count at, lost count, uh, somewhere.”

Karen’s mouth fell open, and she only stared at him, eyes wide. “You’re- you’re joking right? You’re not actually.... how old are your siblings then?!” She finally managed to say, the shock evident. He looked away and shrugged. “Depends on, uh, on when I, I get, when I, uh, go home. It’s... uh, well, they’d, they’d say, uh, say that I, say that I’m, uh, that I’m twenty four,” he said awkwardly.

“What?! Dude, you look at least thirty or something!”

“Um, actually, I’d say, I, I, I think it’s, uh, more, more around, uh, around twenty seven.”

“So... you’ve been away for seven years..? Aren’t they going to be worried about you?”

He almost answered, got halfway to telling her that he’d been gone much longer than that, but his vision started to blur unexpectedly. Before he could really think about what was going on, he started sobbing. It was at least quieter than it had been before he’d met his second family, but he couldn’t stop and he hated it. Hated how helpless he must have seemed in that moment.

When all that Silvester was doing was breathing rather shakily, Karen apparently decided things were calmed down enough to get out of there and deal with him outside somewhere. Thankfully, there weren’t too many people around to notice him, and most of those that were around didn’t seem to be paying much attention to him anyways. On a surface level, at least.

On the way out, somebody bumped into him, slipped a note into his hand, then continued on their way.

All it said, when he read it?

‘Keep dreaming.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I actually have a job now.  
> So now I’m posting on the days I have off instead of the days my brother has off.  
> Still the same days, though.


	7. Queries under stress

All Silvester could think about was the note he’d been given.

Now he’d been given a warning, and a message. And he still didn’t know what either meant.

“Hey, Silvester? You’re shaking a bit there,” Karen said. He quickly realized that was true when he went to take another look at the note. But did it matter? The note was far more interesting. It was clearly written on a typewriter, so no handwriting to go by. There were only two words (keep dreaming) so probably not a secret message. He looked back up at her, and realized she’d led him to a bench in a park.

“Uh, why, why exactly are, exactly are we here?” He asked. Karen replied, “just... sit down and answer my questions.”

Was he being interrogated?

“What in the world was all that crying about earlier? Was it something I said?”

“I, I, I uh, well, it’s nothing to, to, uh, worry about, really, nothing to worry, to worry about.”

“Second, what’s up with that note you have there? I didn’t see it earlier at any point, so I’m assuming someone gave it to you. Didn’t you say you’d never been here before?”

“Yeah I, I did say, did say that. The, uh, the note is, the note is just, just, just a, just one of those, of those encouraging, uh, things.”

“Oh? What does it say?”

“... says, it says keep, says keep dreaming, that’s, that’s, that’s all.”

He was, in fact, fighting to stay awake and alert enough to not tip off Karen that he’d been awake for at least two days straight. Considering that she’d noticed, and commented on the fact that he was shaking, he was probably failing at that. Not eating food could have also contributed a bit to that, but he doubted it.

At least he didn’t feel like he was going to faint at any moment this time. Last time he’d gone through this, that had happened. He didn’t remember if getting to that point had been intentional or not. He didn’t even know if it was really intentional this time around either. Probably somewhat intentional, but he had made a promise that he wouldn’t end up like that again. ...and then ended up breaking that promise a few days ago anyways.

It was actually kind of scary how quickly he’d settled into old habits.

“No, but really. You didn’t give me a straight answer earlier. What was up with that breakdown?” Karen demanded, and Silvester sighed. He had to at least tell part of the truth, if not the whole thing. Karen didn’t need to know about everything else he was dealing with besides the warning and the note. “A... a lot of, a lot of things just, just piled up, just stacked up at, at, at once. Nothing to, nothing to do with, with, uh, with you,” he said. Karen didn’t seem done asking questions. “What kind of things?”

“Uh, well...”

“No, no, never mind. We haven’t known each other long enough for you to spill your guts to me. What about the note? It can’t possibly be just one of those anonymous things.”

“It’s, it’s a counter, counter to a warning, uh, a, a, a warning I, um, I got, warning I received, I received a few, uh, a day, day or so ago,” he said, starting to mumble at the end. It was getting really hard to stay awake. What if he just went to sleep there? Karen wouldn’t mind much, right? ...actually, maybe she would. Probably not a good thing to do while being interrogated.

He didn’t want to talk about the breakdown anymore. It was over, and now he was honestly feeling a bit better now that it was done. One less thing to worry about. One less thing to focus on.

Now he didn’t know if he could go to sleep or not. Someone actually getting into his tardis was decidedly more likely to work than just handing him an anonymous note.

But he was just so tired at that point he hardly cared. He said something to Karen about leaving to take a nap, then did just that; ignoring her protests. He was tired, and locating the tardis would take a bit. Especially since the chameleon circuit was working now, unlike when he’d first got it. Silvester only really fixed it so that he’d blend in better, but it was making it rather hard to find.

•••

The world was spinning. Everything kept fading in and out of his view, but that was... alright. He wasn’t quite sure what was happening anymore.

There was blood on the floor. If he looked at it, he could see that it was probably quite a lot. That wasn’t good, right? He hoped whoever it was that had been bleeding was okay, even if he couldn’t figure out why they would have been in his room. When had they gotten there? When had they left? He’d been here most of the day, right? He remembered writing something at his desk. It might have been the start of a story, but that just didn’t make sense.

But that was alright, he thought as he fell backwards onto his bed. He had the feeling he didn’t need to worry about it anymore.

Everything then shifted and he was standing in his tardis, staring at a door that wasn’t labeled. That was odd, why was he standing here if the door didn’t have anything he wanted at the moment?

He reached out a hand to open the door and investigate. The tardis sparked at him, but he ignored her. There was something important in that room, there had to be. Why else would he be here?

It was Gallifrey, through the door, as Silvester soon found out. But he wasn’t at home, not quite anyways. He was just a building or two away from it, but something looked wrong. Everything was too quiet. Everything looked at least partially destroyed, if not turned to rubble.

Everything was too quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We! Are! Getting places!  
> I hope.
> 
> Anyways, ao3 keeps messing with the italics that I added in (how dare you ao3) so it’ll be left up to you as to where the emphasis is in sentences and such.


	8. Chapter 8

Silvester woke up on the floor of the tardis, just inside the door. Had he really fallen asleep there?

Everything that had happened before his nap seemed a bit fuzzy, but he knew he’d left someone behind. Not a friend though, just an acquaintance. Still, he felt like it was somebody he should go find, and apologize to for running off like that. He hadn’t really meant to, but something had been making him feel like he had to anyways.

He wondered what all his dream had been about. He couldn’t remember much of it now, but he had the feeling that something had been quite unsettling in it. He was fairly certain he’d been on Gallifrey for most of the dream, but other than that, details escaped him.

He wondered how his family was doing. Silvester thought he should probably go back and say hi, stay for a little while. They’d all be happy to see him again, he knew that much.

Still, something in the back of his mind was telling him not to go, to wait until he'd already gone back to Gallifrey to head home again.

“So, where are we right now? Wherever I was earlier?”

The tardis replied by spinning a screen around the console, and showing him what planet he was on. It wasn’t one he recognized, though.

“Alright, I’m going to assume that’s a no,” he said, standing up and stretching. “Why don’t we just head back home, get that visit over with? Shouldn’t take overly long, you are a time machine after all.”

•••

Silvester got to the door and then almost didn’t open it. Did he really have to do this? Couldn’t he just go, before they realized he was back?

The answer, as it seemed, was no. His father opened the door, and then almost ran into him, rattling off apologies and then stopping abruptly, looking closer at him.

“Silvester! You’re home! We were beginning to think you’d never get here, you know,” he said, giving him a hug. 

“Yeah, uh, kinda, I, I sort of, sort of, got, uh, got side, side, sidetracked. But, uh, I’m, I’m home now,” he said, avoiding his his dad’s eyes. He was home now, so what did it matter if he took longer than they wanted him to? He was there, and probably not going to stay long, so that was that. 

“Well, why don’t you come inside, and we can catch up? Your mom, um, did tell me your answer to my question,” he said, stepping to the side and holding an arm out towards the door expectantly. Silvester didn’t look at him as he walked in. He really didn’t feel like answering the questions that would almost certainly be asked.

In fact, it seemed that all the people he was meeting, or visiting recently just wanted to ask him questions that yes, he had the answers to, but no, he didn’t want to answer.

They’d probably only force him to stay home, anyways. And keep a very close eye on him, too. Any hint that their son was hitting a low point again, and they watched him like hawks. He couldn’t really say he appreciated it, but their constant watching did stop him from doing anything seriously life threatening. So, perhaps they did have the right idea, after all. 

“So, so, uh, are we going, we going to, to, to, talk, uh, talk now, talk now, or uh, or talk, talk later?” Silvester asked. He already knew the answer was most likely talk now, mostly due to the reason for his leaving. But he could always hope for it to be later, right? He could always hope.

“Well... considering your... history, we are going to have this talk now, yes. But you will have the rest of your day to yourself once we’re done, alright? This won’t be that bad, Silvester,” said his father. He didn’t like the casual way he kept using that name at all, just throwing it around like it didn’t matter, as if it wasn’t important. They both knew that name now, so they must have found out about it somehow. Which, in turn, probably meant they knew how he got it.

And yet, here his father was, acting as if it wasn’t in any way, at all, important to him.

Then, of course, he had another problem. (Because didn’t he always?) the reason why he left, however long ago that was. That reason was not, perhaps, the best, but he’d known what would happen if he stayed. He didn’t want to talk about it, much less think about it even. That hadn’t been a good week, either.

But, he supposed he had to get this talk over with, so he walked towards the living room.

•••

Back in Silvester’s own bedroom, away from the tardis, he sighed. The outcome hadn’t been any different than he’d expected: he was essentially banned from going off-planet, and his parents would be keeping a close eye on him. But then both his parents had to go to work soon after they were done, so he had the rest of his day away from them.

He couldn’t really think of much of anything to do, now that he was home. He’d never really made too many friends, but somebody might be out and about by then. He wasn’t sure if any of his friends had jobs, though. He’d been away far too long to remember much about them, either.

Still, it was worth a try to go see if he could find them. Or, he could simply take the tardis and leave again. It wasn’t like he had anything else to do, after all. 

Technically, though, he did have something else to do. He just... wasn’t sure it was exactly something good. Scratch that, Silvester knew for a fact it wasn’t good – for him, or for anyone else – and it certainly wasn’t productive in any way. Or helpful. Definitely not helpful.

He couldn’t call any of his friends, his phone had been a gift from Kristin, but on that train of thought, he could always just call his family couldn’t he?

He dug around in his pockets for his phone, only to find it already ringing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Silvester: what do you mean I need sleep?
> 
> ..anyways, as it turns out, I’m off all next (this??) week! So all those missed days don’t matter :P  
> I love my boy but he’s so difficult to write for ;m;


	9. Calling it defeat

“Hey! Just calling to let you know that well... it’s been a few months since we’ve seen you. Claudia says to be home soon, or she’ll kill you,” Kristin laughed. “But I’m not sure that’s possible. Oh, and bring us something neat if you can! We’d love to see something from one of your trips, Maus. Call me back when you can? Mama says she wants to see you soon, too. See you when you get here, Maus! Love you, bye.”

Silvester leaned back against the wall. It wasn’t terrible this time, just a couple months. Apparently didn’t mean they missed him any less, though. 

But he couldn’t go home to them just yet. Not while he was grounded by people who’d barely even seen him for what seemed like only a couple months.

It had been quite a few years, in reality. Quite a few years meaning... well, a very long time. Probably at least fifty years. He really hoped it was only fifty. It probably was much longer than that, though. A couple hundred, maybe? He wasn’t too sure. 

Even so, the least he could do was call Kristin back, let her know he wasn’t going to be back for a little while yet. 

She picked up on the second ring.

“Maus! Hey! You going to be home soon?”

“Uh... no, no I don’t, don’t, uh, don’t think so. Not, not yet, uh, anyways. Soon hopefully, but I, I, I’m not quite, not, not very, very optimistic, um, about that.”

“Aw, c’mon Silvester, you get into trouble or something? Didn’t think you’d even be able to!”

“Kris, really, I don’t, I, I didn’t get, didn’t get into, uh, into any, any, any trouble. ...not, not really. I haven’t, I, I didn’t, wasn’t arrested if, if, if that’s, that’s uh, that’s what you’re asking.”

“Listen, Maus, I... We all miss you, you know? But, uh... you’ve never been gone this long, and... and I was worried you might not pick up this time, Maus. Hey, I’ll be waiting for you at home, yeah? I think we all will. Alright, Maus?”

Kristin chuckled a little.

“It’s alright if you’re not back anytime soon, okay? We don’t mind. Claudia keeps saying she’ll kill you, but I don’t think she means it, as she mostly only says it after saying something like ‘if Sil’s not home soon,’ so I’m not too worried.”

“Yeah, uh, alright, alright Kris. Truth, truth be, uh, be, be told, I, I miss you, miss you, you guys as, as, as, as well. Is, uh, is, is, is Stefan, is Stefan, uh, is he, is he okay?” Silvester asked, and she sighed. His heart leapt up into his throat at the ensuing silence. What had happened? Had he died? Did someone kill him? Was he kidnapped?

All the questions got pushed out of his mind as soon as Kristin started to talk again.

“Somebody... well, someone attacked him. He... he lost his arm, not the broken one though. Isn’t that funny, Maus? But Stefan’s alright, for the most part. He says not to worry about him, and to remember his advice, so I guess you know what that means? I’m not entirely sure myself,” she told him.

Stefan’s advice, meaning when he’d told Silvester that holding a grudge just wouldn’t do. But now he just couldn’t help it. Somebody had either cut his arm off, or mangled it badly enough that it needed to be amputated. It could’ve been the same person who broke his other arm, but he had a different idea of what could have happened.

And idea that had to do with the warnings he’d been given.

“Hey Maus? Little quiet there, you alright?”

“Hm? Yeah, yeah, uh, yeah I’m, I’m alright. Sorry, I, uh, I was, I, I was just, just thinking. Anyways, see, see, see you as soon, as, as, as soon as I, uh, as soon as I can, as I, I can. Love, love you, love you Kris!”

“Love you too Maus, bye!”

Silvester hung up, and set the phone down on his bed. Well, he’d called Kristin back and found out that Stefan had been attacked but not killed, so now what? When could he go home?

Still, he needed to think about what this meant. The entity that had given him that warning to not sleep, and to not dream under any circumstances could clearly travel wherever it liked and do whatever it wanted. Even so, he still didn’t know if it was actually the thing or person that had attacked Stefan, and if it wasn’t, then everything was relatively okay at home, and his family was safe. If it was, well, he wasn’t sure what to do.

It wasn’t possible to tell his family to simply go somewhere else until he got this all sorted, the mysterious entity would probably follow them there. And as things stood, he couldn’t actually go home and be absolutely certain everyone would be safe.

But he had to do something, his room as quiet as ever.

He had to do something.

•••

The room was starting to spin around Silvester, but he was alright with that, somehow. He felt more calm than worried. Everything would turn out fine, in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am.... very bad at keeping up with things. On the bright side, only four more chapters to go! If I remember to update, this should be done p quickly.
> 
> And uh. I have to admit, Silvester is like... not good at being bored.  
> If only he had a hobby....  
> Also! I’m not entirely sure how german nicknames work?? So if anything needs changed (if any german ppl are reading this) please let me know!


	10. Quietly stay here

The first thing Silvester thought upon waking up was that he shouldn’t have gone to sleep in the first place. That was the only coherent thought for a few minutes, until he could actually get his mind all sorted.

He was still in his room, so he hadn’t done anything stupid like last time, so that was a win. However, the very next thing he saw seemed to contradict that fact greatly. And he was doing so well.

Long story short, there was... a lot of blood. (Which also raised the question of how he’d even woken back up after passing out, but he decided not to dwell on that for the moment.) More specifically: his blood. What he could remember of the events leading up to this particular moment wasn’t too much, as his memory was still not quite caught up.

He did have the sense to realize he’d have to do something about the wounds soon, else he’d probably end up fainting again. And he most definitely did not want to do that.

He also had to clean up the blood. That wasn’t going to be fun, but he didn’t think there was any other way to deal with it. Well, other then telling his parents and letting them help with it, but... that currently didn’t seem like a good idea.

Sighing, Silvester meandered over to his desk and rifled through the contents of the drawers to see if there was anything left over from the last time he’d done something like this. Sadly, nothing was found. The next place to check would have been the cabinets in the living room, but he wasn’t sure if his parents were home now or not. Telling them what had happened was still a very unattractive idea.

Especially because they’d insist that he stay quite a bit longer than he’d been meaning to.

•••

Staring at the results of his work, Silvester did not, in any way, shape, or form, feel satisfied. 

The carpet looked to be back to a lovely shade of blue, but that wasn’t particularly important. The very next thing on his mind was finding that mysterious entity and stopping whatever evil plan it probably had. The only problem? His parents had just gotten back about a minute ago, and he couldn’t possibly sneak past them and to his tardis. 

And that was all very well and good, but would he have the opportunity to leave again anytime soon? His father would likely insist that he find something to do when they were gone so as to not get lonely, and his mother, well... she would probably just put an alarm on his tardis, if she hadn’t done so already.

Silvester’s phone dinged out a pretty sound, and he looked over to see that he had around fifty texts from Claudia, most recent being ‘you better get home right now or I’ll kick your butt!!!’

The familiarity of it made him smile, despite the fact that she’d sent quite a lot of other texts, most likely with the same message, and he’d missed all of them. As he unlocked his phone to reply, he debated simply calling her instead. All the yelling that would ensue aside, it would be nice to actually hear her voic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, we’re nearing the end!  
> I feel like my forgetfulness about the update schedule has dragged this out longer than necessary.... still, can’t be helped I suppose.  
> And, I say thirteen chapters, but it’s more like twelve...


	11. As if, as if

Silvester woke up to complete and utter darkness. He didn’t really mind if it meant that he’d gone blind for the rest of this regeneration, but he was fairly certain he hadn’t. And that lead him to the question of where he was, and how he got there.

The last thing he remembered was his phone screen being all strange and flickery, and then, of course, he woke up wherever he was now.

He reached out, hoping to find a wall or at least something solid, then yelped and recoiled suddenly. He’d felt something... gooey, or, well... slimy? Neither word really described it very well. It was sort of like jello, just more melty, and probably not as tasty. He wasn’t about to lick it to find out, however tempting that sounded.

“Um, hi, hello? Any, anyone, anyone else, someone, uh, is someone else, anyone else there?” He called. Nobody answered, and he frowned a bit. So that meant he was alone, with the jello substance in front of him; possibly even surrounding him.

Was it surrounding him?

Silvester turned around, cringing at the squelching of his shoes as he did so. Something was certainly under him, though whether it was the substance from before or just mud, he couldn’t tell. It was certainly disconcerting, being unable to see what was around him. Still, he supposed it wouldn’t be that bad if he could just manage to find a non slimy surface to hang out on for a bit.

This time, he stretched his leg out instead of a hand, to hopefully lessen the amount of slime he came into contact with; and sighed in relief when nothing was there. That at least meant he wasn’t surrounded.

As he was contemplating what to do next, he suddenly remembered something. He had both matches and a lighter somewhere in his pockets, so if he could just find them he might be able to cast some light on the situation.

Or, he thought after he’d searched all his pockets twice, perhaps not. Last he checked the lighter had been in one of the pockets, he was certain of it! So where had it gone? He didn’t remember taking it out and leaving it somewhere, since he hardly ever did that.

The other possibility was following the wall to find an exit, but remembering how slimy it was, Silvester decided he’d rather not. That left nothing else to do but stand there and wait for something to happen, then.

He started humming a song Stefan had taught him. It was off-key, but the sound was comforting; reminding him of home.

•••

Slowly, light started to seep into wherever he was. He couldn’t make out any shapes, though. Just something that might have been a wall. Glancing to the left and right of him, it seemed to be the same thing all around him. Just walls.

He looked up next, and saw a big window right above him. The rest of the ceiling didn’t seem to be made of the same material as the wall, thank goodness.

The sky above him was still somewhat dark, and he could see quite a bit of clouds floating around, so at a guess it was cold outside. Though, now that he thought about it, inside the building was starting to get cold as well. He wondered, briefly, why he hadn’t noticed it before. Perhaps he’d still been warm from in his room? But that didn’t make sense, especially since he knew he’d been standing in one place for hours on end.

And he’d probably been standing for much longer than he was conscious for, as he’d been standing when he opened his eyes those hours ago.

He looked downwards to check if it was actually mud, and then stared.

Silvester was fairly certain it wasn’t blood, because it seemed too much like mud for that, but it was practically the same color as human blood, that was for sure. The walls were most definitely not that same color, they were a dark blue instead of blood red.

Looking up again seemed like a good idea to distract from the disturbing mud stuff. Never mind the fact that it was incredibly gross and weird sounding in general, he was not enjoying looking at something that was really similar to blood. Well, human blood, but it was still making him uncomfortable. That was what he’d been standing in all night?

He hated to think of the state his boots were in.

Well, wherever he was, as soon as he got out, at least he had-

“Oh. Oh no.”

His tardis was back home, probably planets, galaxies away by now. And he had no way of calling her to him somehow, just the key. Said key was rather useless without a tardis to use it on.

“C’mon, kid... just, just think of, think of a way out, out of here,” he whispered into the ongoing silence. 

If there was no one else to talk to, he’d just have to talk to himself.

“Claudia would probably be, be out of here by now, by now, so... what would she do?”

Would she try digging through the ground? It was a viable option, if rather gross. She might try doing the same to the walls, but that was still gross and very weird feeling. He probably wouldn’t do what she would.

He reached into his most familiar pocket, and found nothing. Not even the last somewhat comforting thing he’d thought of was there.

Somebody knew what he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m tired as hell but determined to get this out by the end of December so. No other comments today


	12. Back down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Alt. Title: over again)

Karen had a fairly mundane life.

She woke up, went to work, and then left at lunchtime. She met up with friends sometimes, and other times she went out and did something fun for the day. And sometimes she went home and read a book.

Everything changed when she met Silvester. He was handsome, in her opinion. (which was, of course, very right if she did say so herself.)

His dark gray eyes never sparkled in the few days she’d known him, but that didn’t make them any less pretty.

But he’d seemed so tired when she met him, barely making it through the day. She still couldn’t believe she’d had to talk him out of suicide. The hasty confession of love had somehow, in a backwards way, actually worked.

And then she’d asked him out to breakfast, and he’d seemed mostly normal at first. Silvester told her a little about his family, and then suddenly started sobbing out of absolutely nowhere. The whole experience was kind of embarrassing, but she would never mention that to him if she ever saw him again.

She’d left as soon as she could, and tried to get some answers out of him, but she got hardly any. But then he’d left suddenly, mumbling something. Karen had hoped to see him ever since then, but he’d never come back.

She wished he would come and say hello one of these months. Each day, she’d be hopeful, and then at night she would finally give up searching for him.

It hurt, knowing that he didn’t care enough to even send her a letter or something.

Karen had a rather boring life.

•••

Nadia hadn’t said much of anything because Silvester hadn’t said anything, but she sure as heck noticed that he looked too pale to be alright.

She had been planning to call him once he was done chatting with the three of them, and ask him some questions about it, but then he’d disappeared, his screen suddenly freezing up and going dark. After a few minutes he left the video call, and wasn’t shown as active.

She was so tired of trying to pretend that everything was all right with him being the way he was. He always looked older each time they saw him, and she dreaded the day she’d see his cool brown hair graying and still have to say he was only twenty-four. 

She dreaded the day she’d find him dead on the floor because he hardly ever ate anything.

Nadia was tired of trying to help by simply letting him know she was there for him.

•••

Silvester absentmindedly scratched at his arms. He thought he should feel hungry by now, but he didn’t, really. He was just kind of tired.

•••

Stefan was waiting patiently for any news of what Silvester had been talking about, and if he would be home soon.

Kristin burst into his room, looking terrified.

“Maus is gone,” was all she said, and she didn’t elaborate when he asked what she meant. All she would say was “Maus is gone.” He didn’t know what she meant, but it might not have meant Silvester was dead, and that was all he could hope for.

They finally settled into a conversation about mundane things, like the weather. Stefan said he liked the rain, Kristin replied that it just made her sad. They talked like that for a while, and Kristin eventually left, saying “Maus is just... gone, Stef. I... we’re not sure how, but he’s gone. I haven’t told mama yet, though.”

Stefan was waiting patiently for any news of Silvester.

•••

Claudia wasn’t scared, she knew that for sure. She wasn’t really mad at Silvester, either. It didn’t look like he’d meant to go missing like that, but she really, really missed him now. She’d kept count of the days, and that day was the two month anniversary of his disappearance.

Eight months total since he’d left, and she was starting to try and fill his place in the family. She wasn’t acting all sad and staying in her room like he did sometimes, but she tried to adopt some of the quirks he’d had. She couldn’t yet believable pull off the stutter yet, but she was trying her hardest. That was what mattered, right?

Mama seemed to appreciate it a little, at least. Nadia had told her she didn’t like it, and Kristin just seemed sad whenever Claudia dropped by.

Claudia wasn’t really mad at anyone, but she was definitely mad at the world out there where he’d been traveling.

•••

Silvester was bleeding but it seemed he couldn’t stop scratching. He just wanted to go home, get away from this mess.

He’d already checked for bandaids. None in his pockets.

•••

Kristin had started to wander.

It started with the woods behind her house, and then she started to go farther. One time mama had called her, because she’d dropped by her house and she wasn’t there. Mama was worried she’d disappeared just like Silvester had, but Kristin said that she was fine, just a little lost and in need of a ride home.

Mama got her a bike for Christmas, said that way she could go farther to look for Silvester.

Kristin bought a good biking backpack two weeks later, and wandered further, leaving then for days, sometimes even weeks on end. She always made sure her husband knew where she was each night she was gone, and trusted that he would update the rest of her family in turn. She never found a trace of Silvester, but she was always looking for his distinctive blueish purple coat.

Kristin was always wandering.

•••

Silvester was finding it harder and harder to stay awake and upright, but he couldn’t sit down and fall asleep in his new living conditions.

His hands were shaky, covered in blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: ok how about we fuck over all the characters in the last chapter  
> (I didn’t quite feel like it should end that way though...)


	13. shivering at the edge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus chapter!

Silvester had been in the room for two days.

The building didn't seem to be underground, at least not anywhere with people around. He hadn't seen anybody walk across the glass above him, so far, at least.

It had only gotten colder since that first night, but he did manage to get some rest. The strange mud was, in all honesty, probably all over his clothes at this point, but he'd gotten used to it rather quickly; he had to. He'd taken to pacing during the day, and singing to keep his mind off of other, less savory things.

The impulsive scratching at his arms rarely stopped, however. he wasn't sure if he could stop at this point, even if he wanted to. If he had to stay much longer, he might not be able to readjust to living with actual people again. He'd try, though. Leaving his family waiting for him for the rest of eternity really didn't sound good. Even if it was essentially what he'd been doing previously, he at least talked to them every once in a while. How could he not?

But his tardis was gone. He would be stuck in this miserable room for the rest of his lives, he was sure of it.

The worst part? It would only be a week or two until he’d gone through all his remaining regenerations. Normally you were supposed to be able to live for thousands of years, if you lived right, never got into trouble of any kind. 

And here Silvester was. First regeneration wasted, quite unnecessary, really. And his second regeneration was already coming closer every minute, as it seemed. His parents would think it another unnecessary waste, they’d say it could’ve been avoided had he just stayed home for all those years. He didn’t think it would have turned out any better that way. All wasted regenerations and stricter rules on where he could go, what he could do.

But were his regenerations wasted if he didn’t want them? If he needed to be somewhere else? A different person, even?

Traveling, he thought, kept him alive much longer than staying at home would. Even if he did occasionally want to visit - on his own terms, of course - the idea wasn’t very appealing. He hadn’t been back long enough to tell, but he was certain the fights still hadn’t stopped. That had... contributed to his leaving, but it wasn’t the main cause of why he’d left in the first place.

Silvester stumbled and fell face-first into the mud, unexpectedly bringing his attention to the fact that he’d been pacing again. As he was putting his hand down to help push himself back up, he felt something under it that wasn’t as flat as he’d thought the floor to be. It felt like... a button? What was a button doing in the middle of the floor? He didn’t care — perhaps it could get him out of the room! So, he pushed it.

And fell.

•••

Dazedly, Silvester looked around. By the dim light of something he hadn’t seen just yet, he could see multiple (for lack of a better word) growths, with plant like tendrils waving gently as if in a breeze. It was mildly unsettling, so he decided to explore where the room didn’t appear to have any of these things.

Looking up revealed that he was most likely in a cave, but he was more concerned with how he survived the fall, even with the weird things on the ground. He knew for a fact he wasn’t invincible - his first regeneration had certainly proved that - but he was fairly certain he wouldn’t break as easily as the average human. Still, judging by the fact that the light was very dim here, he had fallen quite a long way down. And he would’ve known if he’d regenerated, so the fall hadn’t broken too many bones - if it had broken any at all. Which, thankfully, didn’t seem to be the case.

“So, now...” Silvester stopped talking almost as soon as he’d started, as he thought he’d heard something.

“Hello? Is, uh, is, is, is anyone there?” He called, with only the echoes of his voice bouncing off the walls as a reply. It only really served as a reminder of how he’d come to resent the sound of his own voice in the past few days. And yet, he was still compelled to talk to fill the silence, about anything he could think of.

He’d carried out more than a few conversations with his parents, always explaining to them what was going on, how they could actually help. It was, of course, never going to happen in reality, but he needed to get his thoughts out like that every so often. He liked to imagine that it helped.

Then he heard footsteps.

“Uh, hello? You, you, you're kinda, um, kind of, kind of supposed to, to, to reply when someone, some, someone, someone asks...”

Whoever it was laughed. The voice didn’t sound familiar at all, and Silvester hoped it meant that he was safe.

“Yeah, kid, that’s uh... pretty basic stuff right there. You wanna get out or not?” Said the man, still standing in the shadows.

“Well, I, I, I, um, alright? But, uh...” he stopped to think. Was this a trap? Was he going to die here after all? “Can I, uh, at least, at least see, see, see your face?”

“Hmm.... nah. I’m just here because... well, you’ll know later, kid. Anyways, staying or going? I’m not supposed to hang around long.”

“Uh... going, going I, I, uh, I guess?”

“Thought you might say that. Oh, and...” he turned and started back the way he came, stopping just out of view. “You might want to grab my hand. Don’t want you getting lost, after all,” the stranger called back. Silvester hurried to catch up with him, taking a hand as was suggested.

The man’s hands told him exactly one thing about him: he was definitely underweight. But he wouldn’t comment on it, if only because he knew the man must be thinking the same about him.

The only sound was that of the pair walking, and it was calm but at the same time, oddly unsettling. He felt as if something was watching them in the dark.

“It’s nothing, kid. Don’t worry about it.”

“But I, uh, I, I, I didn’t, didn’t-”

“Oh. Yeah, sorry, forgot for a moment there. But, really, it’s nothing important.”

“Uh, Okay....”

The feeling of being watched didn’t go away.

Silvester has also noticed that the other man smelled like smoke, but his voice didn’t really sound like it had been affected in any way. So maybe he’d just been near a fire recently? He hoped that was the case.

•••

When he could start to see a hint of light again, the man let go of his hand.

“Alright, that’s as far as I’m going. You can make your way out from here,” he said. 

But... how was Silvester supposed to get off this planet? Even if he could get out, that didn’t actually mean he’d survive for that much longer, did it? He didn’t have any money on him, and he still hadn’t a clue where he was.

“Hey, kid.”

“Hm?”

“Just go, it’ll be fine. I’ve already stayed for much longer than I was supposed to.”

“How, uh, how, how, how long were, long were you, uh, you, were you, you, you supposed to, uh, to, to stay?”

“Technically... ah, well, never mind that, kid. Just go, and uh.... forget about me, yeah? It’s better if you don’t know.”

“Um, all, all right, but, but why?”

Footsteps receded into the distance, leaving his question unanswered. Sighing, he turned around again, and continued walking.

Silvester could only hope that he’d find his tardis again.

Silvester just wanted to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here’s the end! Finished it a couple days ago, and it was very tempting to just post them all at once and get this done and over with :P
> 
> “But,” I hear you asking, “what happens to Silvester? You can’t end there!” And to that, I say...
> 
> I gave you a few hints to where he eventually ends up, but between then and just after the story ends... well, I may know most of it, but it’s really up to you! He could be fine, he could be dead... who knows?  
> This was also some much-needed backstory, even though I can’t use most of it (sadly.)

**Author's Note:**

> and here we have: the start of my nanowrimo for this year! I'll be posting on what might end up being my 'off' days by the end of the month.  
> I still have to finish up that last chapter, but hopefully I won't put it off too much - you do want thestory to end, after all!  
> (this is also why I wasn't writing much elselast month. but, perhaps you already knew that?)


End file.
